OCness is not at all negative!
June 16, 2009It is really frustrating trying to get back on line. There are so many attempts to get myself back into a super-organized-and-neat-freak lady. I am missing that part in me that knows where I place my black bikini underwear three months ago. Now, I couldn’t figure out where’s what in my four cabinets.
Don’t get me wrong. I know I have a larger and definitely more items in my cabinets. And they are more expensive than before. Actually, I’ve been putting new items there weekly. I love the idea of it because it only means I have fluid overflowing today than before.
What makes it frustrating is how I view myself just by looking at it. It’s actually arranged…not by me but my helper. I’m not familiar with the arrangement. Yes, I see the partitions, from my clothes and gadgets to my bags and shoes. However, I have a feeling that it isnt mine. Or it is not just me. I feel that somehow, it reflects my curreent status in life. And that is, sad to say, a lazy career woman.
This isn’t what I planned when I was still in college. Actually, I know that I’m an obsessive complusive creature since I was at the age of five but that’s fine with me. No matter how psychology books define it as illness, I couldn’t care less. I was born with it. And I love being that kind of freak. In fact, I thanked that part of me because it helped me survived my school life. If not for OCness, I might have thrown my life somewhere unworthy for the senses.
Blogging might help me. Still, I have no idea how. I guess this kind of activity will bring back the discipline I once had. If that happens, I believe that I can lead myself easily to where I plan it to be. I, surely, don’t want everything to go to waste. It is my fear, the reason I must get serious from now on.
I am already here now. In fact, where I am right now is a dream of many. I have to take good care of this. I will make this abundant.
So, help me GOD!
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